Farmer's markets are sometimes an odd commodity.  Where else can you find ewe cheese, dog biscuits, and a wide assortment of random objects such as rubber chickens, all within the confines of the town car park?

Walking to town and back this morning, weighed down on the return journey with several pounds (monetary as well as physical load) worth of purchases, counted as my exercise.  I am now the proud owner of a second set of circular knitting needles.  I actually prefer them to the straight variety, because knitting with them doesn't cause my hand to ache quite so fast.  I hope that my crafty desires aren't inducing me into an early case of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I have my suspicions.

We ate like kings today.  Cucumber sandwiches on baguettes, plus fondue with rocket salad and pears for lunch.  Homemade pizza for dinner, a la Barbara Kingsolver, I thought.  But then, I'm in a Barbara Kingsolver kind of mood lately, reading one of her books with Mom and (when occasion permits) my youngest sister.

I've also been in a documentary mood lately, largely because of recommendations by people in Rolla.  Food, Inc. and Waiting For Superman were the top recommendations by people at church.  It's making me more critical about the things we usually take for granted: in this case, food and school systems.  Things we just assume are there aren't always in the best condition or shape to give ideal results, year after year.

Also, I got Mom to cut my hair.  She's saved us thousands of dollars over the years by learning to cut hair at home.  She's the only one in the family who goes to a salon, cause she hasn't figured out how to do her own.

Getting back on track, are we?

I stayed up way, way too late last night for no apparent reason. Facebook and Cracked.com may be the underlying factor, but my own lack of self-control is the real culprit.

Something that's been weighing on my mind for the last little while: second thoughts about previously made decisions. Like OK GO says, some things really do seem like a good idea at the time, but then the brilliance loses its luster. My poetic side wants to add: like a new coin gone rusty from the bitter tears of shattered expectations. Not sure where that came from. I haven't been reading sensationalist novels lately.

So today, as a result of my lack of self control, I made up for it by taking not one, but two naps. One shortly after eating breakfast made by my too-good-to-be-true sister. I woke up to her asking me what I wanted in my oatmeal. She's only twelve, bless her, but she already has more homemaking skills than the rest of her peers put together. The second nap was in the afternoon, after wearing myself out from...just what exactly did I do today, anyway?

Cleaned in preparation for a friend to come over to sew with my Mom and sister. Exercised. Showered. Studied my scriptures for my Sunday School lesson, and Preach My Gospel just because. Made a yummy bacon-spinach-tomato salad (a BST?) for lunch. Watched some Scrubs. Fretted over calling a former professor to make sure she is still writing a recommendation for me (she lives on the west coast so I had to wait till early evening to attempt that one). Attempted to edit one of Mom's dissertation chapters, but started nodding off (due to lack of sleep, I promise).

Post-nap (part 2) I made macaroni and cheese with tomatoes. The table was still strewn about with sewing supplies, so I made my siblings eat with me in the kitchen, balancing our plates on our knees while we listened to my seven-year-old brother's iPod. The kid has good taste, I have to say. And I'm proud of that because a lot of it was informed by me.

Items I need to ban from my life:

Scrubs. Replace with job-hunting, or at least something less frivolous on YouTube.

Late-night Facebooking. Replace with journal/blog writing.

Staying up late. Replace with the missionary schedule. I honestly felt better when I was getting up by seven and going to bed at ten thirty. I never, ever got eight hours the entire time I was a missionary, but there's nothing stopping me from adhering to a better schedule now.

My recently acquired meandering attitude toward the day. Replace by honest-to-goodness planning out what I want to accomplish. If this means countless sticky notes or the need to buy a new planner, so be it.

Refined sugar. This one was already a New Year's goal, but I've slipped up a few times lately, trying to convince myself that crisps are legitimate even if they have added sugar. Or that eating my sister's chocolate chip cookies doesn't count because they're made with chick peas. (By the way, that recipe is fantastic. You can find it here.)

Feeling guilty for every bad decision I ever make, or the possible implications of being seen as less than perfect by others. ...I'll get back to you on this one.

Tomorrow is a long time.

Why hello.

It's been a long time since I logged in here, and even longer since I've written anything. I blame the mission, plus the fact that I actually forgot about the existence of this ill-used bit of cyberspace.

I'm not really sure what possessed me to open this text window, to be perfectly honest. The thing about keeping a blog is that it automatically puts your deepest thoughts on display for all to see, and I am not one for that amount of openness. On the other hand, there's the idea that it's more like a journal, since I don't really know how many people (if any) actually read this.

I'm no stranger to online journals, however. Back in the days of high school (ah, high school. Remember that?) I was quite taken with the world of Xanga blogs. Then Myspace pages. Then Facebook notes. I'm always a touch behind the power curve, though, because a few of my friends were always on to the next venue before I had really gotten a handle on the first.

Then there was the local site for creative writing and photos started by my small hometown's artsy types, where I posted short stories and vignettes for a few months. That site shut down while I was away for eighteen months, so I'm extra glad I saved every thing I posted onto an external hard drive.

Originally, I began this blog as a sort of venue to build letters to a friend of mine who was out of the country. "Updates for an absent audience," I called it. The genre doesn't seem to fit anymore. Of course, now that I'm back, I seem to have a hard time fitting in myself. So this might become an experiment for me to piece together who I am. Or it might be a splash panel of ideas and stories, like PCityLive was.

Watch this space.

5 (12) days to go.

I have heaps to do. Final preparations, packing, checklists. I have to go through most of my worldly possessions and determine which will be placed in storage for two years and which will be accompanying my family to England in June. I need to go to Tallahassee to move the rest of my things home. I want to see old friends one last time before I disappear. I have to find a packet of papers the Oklahoma Mission sent me which I read and promptly lost three weeks ago.

I have a cold. Lying in a semiconscious heap whilst pushing the cold meds and fluids was not exactly how I envisioned spending the last four-odd days before my life changes forever. Technically I'll have a week in Utah with family before reporting to the MTC, but I'm supposed to be set apart by my stake president before I get on the plane, so the mission essentially begins on Tuesday night-ish. I'm not sure how the rules are in between getting set apart and setting foot on MTC property, but I'm guessing all the rules about not being alone and not watching non-Church-related media will be in full effect.

It's a bit depressing, leaving. Technically my farewell from the student ward took place back in December. I've spent enough time in the fifth ward and seen enough missionaries leave from here to realize that nothing will be the same once I come back. (The uncertain part of me adds, If I come back.) Every year there are new arrivals into the social scene, and others leave for school or jobs or missions or marriage. Every year I've spent in Tallahassee old friends have left for one reason or another, and new people have come in their stead. Sometimes it's hard to remember that Friend X never knew Friend Y, because they just missed each other in the end-of-summer shuffle that sends out recent graduates or transfer students and receives a boat load of incoming freshmen or new grad students.

So I'm not kidding myself that everyone I leave will be here to greet me when I come back to Tallahassee, whether to visit or to live. Heck, when I came up only a few weeks ago there were people I didn't know, and half the ones I did were looking at me funny with greetings of, "I thought you were on a mission already."

The singles ward is a transient way of life. I won't expect that to change just because I'm the one who's leaving.

Church. Some awful (i.e. more of a travel log than anything spiritual) testimonies followed by an awesome first-time testimony by my ten year old sister. Several people in the ward wondered who she was and came up to her to tell her how good it was. Turns out the bishop got several questions wondering who this new girl was and called my grandma once he found out who she belonged to.

Left church early to go to Salt Lake. Felt a little guilty taking my laptop to the Apple Store for repairs, but they operate on scheduled appointments and since my family's leaving on Tuesday this was the best we could do. Ran around the shopping center while we waited and rode the elevator up and down with some people who smelled like cigarettes. Rode the escalator up but then it broke ("An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.") Got a call from Daddy telling us he was done dropping off my laptop and as we ran to the car this noble fanfare music broke out all over the shopping center. Who knew why, but it made us feel epic.

Drove to see the DeGraffenrieds, the family my parents met while they were on a cruise. Likely the only two LDS families on that cruise, and they somehow wound up assigned to the same dinner table. They have eight kids, which is fan-freaking-tastic. We stayed there for dinner and chatted for hours. I finished the scarf I started last night, and made a hat to match since I hate having leftover yarn.

Went over to my aunt and uncle's where my aunt had slaved over Julia Child's cookbook making an amazing chicken with parmesan crust and spiced green beans and chocolate almond cake. All containing vast amounts of butter, of course. Julia wouldn't have it any other way.

Family leaves for Florida the day after tomorrow. How they'll get home when we don't even know what happened to our stolen car (which was then found and has yet to be collected by the insurance agent since the police won't tell them which lot it's in)...well, I guess we'll find out soon enough.

This time last year I made no definite plans.  I'm not one for making huge, life-altering resolutions, partly because I think it doesn't need to happen every year at a certain point.  Partly because I'm not a fan of following the crowd.  

I didn't make last year's resolution list until January 4.  That shows how much of a rebel I am.  And I didn't include earth-shattering resolutions like "Get married," "Lose 20 pounds," "Cure cancer."  That's not my style.  I preferred to select little things, like "Appreciate the times when the bus comes right when I need it," and "Realize that no matter how hard I try, my new haircut will never look as good as the photo I'm basing it on."

But this year I think it's best to write down a list of things that will probably happen.  You know, if all goes well.  "Resolution" means "a firm decision," and I've come to learn over the past several years (and even months) that a lot of things are really not up to us.  So I'm going to do my best to make these things happen, but I'll allow for a little wiggle room.

In 2010:

I will enter the Provo MTC for a few weeks of intensive spiritual boot camp.

I will begin my 18-month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, laboring in the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission.

I will meet a variety of interesting, friendly, difficult, happy, angry, frustrated, curious, and possibly smelly people.

I will learn more about the gospel, about people, and about myself than I have ever known before.

I will ask a lot of questions.  I might even answer some as well.

I will take lots of pictures.  I will write many letters.

I will probably not attend many movies, dances, parties, or sporting events.  I will likewise not get asked out on many dates.

But before all that, I might...just might...solve this Rubik's cube.

Lots of change and not much sleep make Claire extremely, overwhelmingly, mind-numbingly nostalgic.  

There's a lot to write about but right now my bed is more welcoming than a computer screen.

Off to Atlanta soon, won't make it there till midnight or one in the morning, then going to Utah at around five a.m.  I will miss Tallahassee and the people in it more than I can say.  Though right now there are considerably fewer people in Tallahassee...they're off on their own adventures too.

Soon enough it will be time for mine.  

I hope I'm as ready as I seemed to be.